August 16, 2016
Me: Dammmn, that was good, baby!
Weight Watchers: Was it now?
Me: Yes, lawd!
Me: Top ten!
Me: Fih… Hmm… Definitely top three!
WW: You happy?
Me: Am I!?
WW: LOL. Can’t. You know we both got a lot of work to do today.
Me: But… I’m a big boy. You know I need more than dat!
WW: Awww! Baeeee, you are too cute but nawl. YOU, my love, gotta learn portion control.
WW: LOL, don’t be like that and pick ya face up. That ain’t cute haha.
WW: (Goes to wash up).
Me: (Raspy) Hello?
Me: What up, P?
Phone: What you doin?
Phone: Cause I’m tryna figure out why you giving me that phone sex voice!
Phone: You tryna catch a case? I WOULD sue for sexual harassment, but I need this job – NOT dee pro’lems.
Me: P – wha chu’wan?
Phone: Rudddddeeee-duh! An-ne-way, Vin-ci-ENT! She messaging you again.
Phone: You got company or summ? Cause…
Phone: Like, why you whispering? I betta not be on speaker phone!
Me: Who are the messages from, P!? Who is SHE? Why you call me?
Phone: Oh, right – Cocoa.
Me: Oh, Word?
Phone: Want me to read them outloud?
Me: Hell nawl!
Phone: I swear, you gotta be with somebody.
Me: P, not right now!
Phone: Oohhh! Oohh! Who is it? You gotta tell me!
Phone: Please? On soul, on everything I luh, I promise, I won’t say an-ny-thing. I swear!
Me: DAMN IT, P!
WW: Huh! You say summ, bae?
Me: Nah. Just changing channels.
WW: Okay, I’m finna get in the shower.
Me: I’ll be in there in a minute.
Phone: Ahhh, I get it. Ha-ha-ha! You at Dub’s. Play on playa!
Me: Just show me the message, please.
Phone: And you’d THINK you’d be in a better mood after getting it in…
Phone: Oh, here she go now. Want me to put her through?
Phone: Just be careful, okay?
Me: Why you say dat?
Phone: Cause like, you been doing so good lately and I just don’t wanna see you slip up again.
Me: I’ll be straight. Y’ain got nun to worry bout.
Me: On everythang, dou!
Phone: Aight… Well, here she go…
Cocoa: Heyyyy Huuuuee-Ey!