Uncle Sam & Sallie Mae

August 23, 2016

Mah: Oh, Baby!  We’re so proud a you!

Dad: Yeah, mane!  Congrats on the job!  Shole has been a long time coming.  For real, Jack!

Me: Thanks, y’all!  Preciate the party and everyone for coming out too!

Family: (Praise, applause, congratulations)!

Dad: Now, you can start paying me back summ a dat money you owe me, playa.  HAHA.

Mah: Y’ain lying lol.

Me: You wild, dad. HAHA.

Dad: HAHA my ass!  I’m laughing, but I’m serious, dou!

Family: (Laughter).

Mah: Runt – them ribs finished or what man!?

Me: Yeah.  We all hungry, big man.

Family: Gadamn, big bruh!  We been waiting to eat for 50-lemm years now!

Dad: Saucin em now, Joe.  An y’all shut up back there in the peanut gallery. Over there drinking all my likka anyway.  Let the grill master work lol!  Aye Rosie, can you do me a favor though?

Mah: I gotta watch my macaroni.  Have Vince do it.  His party anyway.

Dad: He bout to go to the store.

Me: I am, am I?

Dad: That’s what I said, chump!  Now, y’ain too grown to catch this two-piece, big fella.  HAHA.

Me: You ain’t ready, big fella.

Mah: Alright now, Runt.  Quit playing an tell me whachuwone na!  I got this food on the stove.

Dad: Well, can you have one a them grandbabies bring be a big cup a ice, please?

Mah: Ah hell!

Dad: What I do?  Wha happen?

Mah: Did you invite them!?

Me/Dad: (Looks at each other) Invite who??

Mah: Sam and ol stank-ah Sallie!

Family: (Collectively) Damn-it!

To be continued…

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Author: Huey Booker

Huey Booker is a based in Arlington, VA. His work focuses on love, sex, dating, and relationships. You can contact him here.

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