In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness month I want to continue to share my story with the world. 🌎 Being completely transparent, 4 years ago I was in an abusive relationship with a man that most women would say was “the man of my dreams.” (It was really a nightmare.) I worked in an unhealthy work environment and I was transitioning from the Air Force which was a major life change.
My boyfriend at the time was tall 6’9″, handsome, professional law enforcement agent, military warrant officer, and a former college basketball player. He had a superficial perception of himself, women and an unhealthy relationship with his mother and ex-wife (also the mother of his children.) He had dreams of making it into the NBA that never came to pass and in turn felt that his life was a failure. He was angry. Depressed. Military combat veteran that served in Iraq. Claimed PTSD but was not receiving treatment. He would berate and curse at both his mother and ex-wife calling them B*^%#es and other derogatory words. I thought…”well maybe I can love him through that and help him to learn to respect the women in his life.” That didn’t work.
Shortly after our relationship began, the verbal abuse turned towards me. He called me fat daily (I was a size 6 at the time 😔 and in top peak shape. During that period, I also earned 100% on my final fitness test in the Air Force.) He talked negatively about my appearance. Constantly made reference of how I should change my hair or attire to look like other women. (I dressed more on the conservative side and he wanted me to dress more scantily clad to show off my assets and make him look good.) He talked negatively about my decision to separate from the Air Force and said I would never find a “good” job post military. (I landed my first job after my first interview and doubled my AF salary!) Then he started to call me out of my name. He drunk heavily and became more mentally and verbally abusive as the relationship progressed.
The final breaking point came when he threatened my life. I remember vividly, the night before I was tired. I expressed to him that I did everything. Cooked. Cleaned after his mess. Took care of his daughters. Dealt with his emotional outbursts. Played the mediator between him and his ex-wife in regards to custody battles. I was constantly walking on egg shells as to not upset him. He repeatedly lied and I discovered he cheated with other women. I was so tired and done with the relationship. I asked him to take out the trash. He flipped out. He punched me. Choked me. Threw me to the floor. Punched a whole in the wall. Destroyed the furniture. At this point I knew I had to end the relationship.
I went to work in the morning with a plan to pack all of his things and get him out of the house. He repeatedly called my job and threatened to kill me. I called the police. 🚨 They went to our residence and asked him to leave but did not arrest him. They left. I went back to the home 🏡 and discovered he was still at the residence. I called the police a second time. They said: “Ms. Johnson there is nothing we can do. He is a law enforcement agent. If you want him removed you will need to file a protective order.” I left and went to the courthouse to file a protective order.
While I was at the courthouse he called my phone no less than 100 times. I showed the Sheriff at the courthouse the phone calls. The last two messages that he left was that “he was sorry and that he left the residence.” I returned to the house with the police and the protective order. He was still at the residence. The police said: “Ms. Johnson we are not going to arrest him. He is a law enforcement agent. We are going to show him the protective order and ask him to leave.” Less than five minutes later they came down the steps with him in handcuffs and escorted him to jail. He was not cooperative with the police so they finally decided to take action after the third time. 😟😟😟
The police officers 👮 👮🏽 witnessed his actions. They saw the disarray in the house. Heard him make threats. Forcefully removed him from the home. Responded to the repeated violations of the protective order to include him stalking me by showing up to both my job and residence. I resigned my job and fled my residence for my safety. The officers showed up to court to testify. It took two years in court for repeated protective order violations and substantially assault charges filed against him by the commissioners office. Nothing happened.
The Prince George’s County States Attorneys office said there was not enough evidence to proceed and subsequently stet-docketed the case. He was mandated to attend batterers counseling/anger management and all charges were set aside and ultimately dropped by the States Attorneys office. The violations of the protective order were ignored even with mounting evidence to include the sworn testimony of officers and witnesses.
When I reached my breaking point, my family, friends and Chaplain prayed over me and let me know that the trials were temporary and everything would be okay. God had the final say! Fast forward four years. I am the CEO of two companies The Next Chapter, Corporation and Success Creators! I am a vocal advocate for veterans and victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. I am a survivor!
Thank God I don’t look like what I have been through. I share my story to empower others. You have the freedom to walk away! You have the choice to change your situation! Chose YOU! You deserve to be happy! You deserve to be loved! You deserve a life of success doing what you love! You are perfect in God’s eyes! Adjust your crown and walk with authority and purpose!