Me: Damn, I gotta go outside and get lunch. I’m starving.
Common Sense: Don’t do it, playa. It’s dangerous out there!
Me: Dangerous!? Man, if you don’t get TF!
CS: Be safe, my dude..
Me: I’m a gangsta!
Temperature: Say, word!?
Wind + Wind Chill: Here, hold my drank.
Me: Whaddup, den!? Get buck!
W+WC: Man MUPHUCK yo coat, cuh! Oh, take this 3 piece to the face witcha!
W+WC: This our set now, lame!
Me: Y’all got it!
CS: Told you.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Her: You just take everything.
Him: What chu’talmbot?
Her: My breasts, my time.
Him: I mean, they’re mine.
Her: Say what now?
Him: I commandeered them.
Her: Oh really?
Him: I claimed them.
Her: Not fair!
Him: What do you want me to say?
Her: A woman just can’t have nothing these days SMH.
Continue reading “Retractable”
September 6, 2016
Me: Happy Anniversary, Baby!
Continue reading “Work, Part II”
September 2, 2016
Weight Watchers, Cocoa: I
Weight Watchers: So, we’re still on for dinner tonight, right?
Me: But of course! I’m a hit the gym, shower, and get right at chu.
Continue reading “Cocoa, Part II”
September 1, 2016
Gym: I, II, III
Gym: So, back to what I was saying before you distracted me – who was you talking to?
Me: Man, wha!
Gym: When you walked in here earlier, you were on the phone. Who. Was. She. Vince?
Continue reading “Gym, Part IV”
August 23, 2016
Mah: Oh, Baby! We’re so proud a you!
Dad: Yeah, mane! Congrats on the job! Shole has been a long time coming. For real, Jack!
Me: Thanks, y’all! Preciate the party and everyone for coming out too!
Family: (Praise, applause, congratulations)!
Dad: Now, you can start paying me back summ a dat money you owe me, playa. HAHA.
Mah: Y’ain lying lol.
Me: You wild, dad. HAHA.
Dad: HAHA my ass! I’m laughing, but I’m serious, dou!
Continue reading “Uncle Sam & Sallie Mae”
August 22, 2016
Checking Account: Hello?
Me: Hey, what’s been going on witchu?
CA: Nothing much…
Me: I’m saying, I got your messages. What go you so down?
CA: Just sorting a few things out – got a lot pending right now, you know? It seems like things just don’t want to clear these days.
Continue reading “Checking Account”