Wind Chill

Me: Damn, I gotta go outside and get lunch. I’m starving.

Common Sense: Don’t do it, playa. It’s dangerous out there!

Me: Dangerous!? Man, if you don’t get TF!

CS: Be safe, my dude..

Me: I’m a gangsta!

Temperature: Say, word!? 

Me: Word! 

Wind + Wind Chill: Here, hold my drank.

Me: Whaddup, den!? Get buck!

W+WC: Man MUPHUCK yo coat, cuh! Oh, take this 3 piece to the face witcha!

Me: ūüôĀ

W+WC: This our set now, lame!

Me: Y’all got it!

CS: Told you.. ¬Į\_(„ÉĄ)_/¬Į




Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Her:     You just take everything.

Him:    What chu’talmbot?

Her:     My breasts, my time.

Him:    I mean, they’re mine.

Her:     Say what now?

Him:    I commandeered them.

Her:     Oh really?

Him:    I claimed them.

Her:     Not fair!

Him:    What do you want me to say?

Her:     A woman just can’t have nothing these days SMH.

Continue reading “Retractable”

Gym, Part IV

September 1, 2016

Gym: I, II, III

Gym: So, back to what I was saying before you distracted me – who was you talking to?

giphy (12)

Me: Man, wha!


Gym: When you walked in here earlier, you were on the phone.  Who. Was.  She.  Vince?


Continue reading “Gym, Part IV”

Uncle Sam & Sallie Mae

August 23, 2016

Mah: Oh, Baby! ¬†We’re so proud a you!

Dad: Yeah, mane!  Congrats on the job!  Shole has been a long time coming.  For real, Jack!

Me: Thanks, y’all! ¬†Preciate the party and everyone for coming out too!

Family: (Praise, applause, congratulations)!

Dad: Now, you can start paying me back summ a dat money you owe me, playa.  HAHA.

Mah: Y’ain lying lol.

Me: You wild, dad. HAHA.

Dad: HAHA my ass! ¬†I’m laughing, but I’m serious, dou!

Continue reading “Uncle Sam & Sallie Mae”

Checking Account

August 22, 2016

Checking Account: Hello?

Me: Hey, what’s been going on witchu?

CA: Nothing much…

Me: I’m saying, I got your messages. ¬†What go you so down?

CA: Just sorting a few things out – got a lot pending right now, you know? ¬†It seems like things just don’t want to clear these days.


Continue reading “Checking Account”